AUSTIN — Company X will next month release Item Z, which is smaller / slicker / more expensive than the last item we embraced with reckless abandon only a few months ago.
Item Z has yet more capabilities we would have thought to be batshit-crazy-impossible only 15 years ago, however the public seems to no longer have capacity for marvel, just a lust for status and acquisition.
Company X CEO Old White Guy said "Item Z makes entirely obsolete all investments our customers have made in our brand before now. Your purchases will enlarge our executive estates while we become more efficient at oppressing the third world employees who piece together Item Z."
Industry analyst Smug Young White Guy noted that "Growth is growth. The wisdom of growth is beyond question. A nickel more today is a nickel more today."
Stocks fluctuated in semi-random fashion after Company X's announcement.
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