Interpreting the beer commercials

I don't necessarily watch a lot of TV, but what I do watch — SportsCenter, football, basketball, etc. — exposes me to a lot of beer commercials.

A lot of beer commercials. And I'm mystified by the thinking behind some of them. Here is my knee-jerk reaction to their underlying meanings:

BUDWEISER

Underlying meaning: You love America. Drink our beer, damn it, or the terrorists will have won.

BUD LIGHT

Underlying meaning: Our beer is sweet and watery. That means you can drink a whole mess of it. But you are a fun-loving drunk, at least.

MILLER LITE

Underlying meaning: You an asshole. Our beer is perfect for you.
(Seriously, have you seen that inexplicable vortex bottle ad? The ad basically shows an insufferable prick being an absolute dick. Or is it the other way around? And this is supposed to make me want to buy your beer?)

COORS LIGHT

Underlying meaning: You are too stupid to know when your beer is cold.
Our beer will let you know.

MILLER HIGH LIFE

Underlying meaning: I'm not sure. But this guy kicks ass.

KEYSTONE

Underlying meaning: It's OK if you're not too bright. We love you anyway. Drink our beer.

NATURAL LIGHT

Underlying meaning: You are a hopeless drunk. Really, in about 14 hours you're going to wake up in a place you don't recognize. This is your beer. Try not to giggle when we add the "please consume responsibly" tag to our commercials.

CORONA

Underlying meaning: Never in a million years will you be able to afford this kind of peace and solitude in a place so beautiful. But you can drink our beer and pretend for a bit.

MICHELOB ULTRA

Underlying meaning: Let's face it, you don't drink beer. But if you get trapped in a social situation with some fat slobs, you can order one of these and nobody will accuse you of being "too good" to drink with them. Then you can leave and go run a 10k or something.

BUSCH

Underlying meaning: Don't need none. We haven't changed our advertising scheme in 100 years. Now let's get in the pickup, go kill a couple of small animals and drink tall boys until we get in a knife fight over who's the better arm wrestler.

RED STRIPE

Underlying meaning: It's beer! Hooray, beer! 

(Yes, it's the perfect beer ad.)

Comments

[Robert Adams]

Funny how that cool dude on Miller High Life ads that disdains uppity - elitist people / situations is selling something reffered 'The Champagne of Beer'.

I mean - is not Champagne the ultimate elitist beverage (along with Cognac)?

I do like the High Life ads though.

I also do not think I need anything added to my beer bottle to induce twisting & twirling.

[Lee Nichols]

Excellent.