My apologies to those not schooled in the classics: You've really got to be familiar with the movie "Death Race 2000" for this blog to make sense. And South By Southwest. And the hipsters who wander the streets as if they fear no Firestone tread.
But if you are are, and you do, and you know and … say, you've got to drive up South Congress Avenue on the way to work tomorrow afternoon? Here are the point totals this year:
YOUNG MALE WHO NEEDS A HAIRCUT: 5 points.
YOUNG WOMAN WHO NEEDS TO EAT A SANDWICH: 5 points.
HIPSTER WITH IRONIC T-SHIRT: 10 points.
HIPSTER IN ALL-BLACK OUTFIT: 15 points.
HIPSTER IN ALL-BLACK OUTFIT, ACCESSORIZED WITH WHITE SUNGLASSES AND WHITE BELT: 25 points.
HIPSTER WEARING "IRONIC" COWBOY HAT: 100 points. And you've got to yell at them, "Go back to Delaware, jackass!"
HIPSTER STANDING IN THE MIDDLE OF THE ROAD STARING INSOLENTLY AT TRAFFIC: 100 points, plus smug satisfaction.
A GROUP OF MALE HIPSTERS WHO THINK THEY'RE THE WILD BUNCH BUT ARE ACTUALLY AS DANGEROUS AS GARDEN GNOMES: 50 points each.
FEMALE HIPSTER WHO PROBABLY ATTACKED HER GOODWILL PURCHASES WITH SCISSORS: 25 points.
HIPSTER WHO NEVER HEARS YOU COMING, THANKS TO HIS/HER IPOD: 20 points.
IF YOU GET AN IRONIC BUTTON STUCK IN YOUR TIRE: 50-point penalty.
IF YOU GET THEIR MESSENGER BAG CAUGHT IN YOUR AXLE: 100-point penalty.
IF YOU KNOCK THEM OUT OF THEIR CONVERSE SHOES: 100 points.
IF THE HIPSTER GOES ONE WAY AND THEIR ELVIS COSTELLO GLASSES GO THE OTHER: 50 points.
IF YOU KNOCK THEM OUT OF THEIR CONVERSE SHOES, COSTELLO GLASSES AND CAN STEAL THEIR PABST BLUE RIBBON: 150 points.
HIPSTER WITH AMISH FACIAL HAIR: 25 points.
HIPSTER WITH GRIZZLY ADAMS FACIAL HAIR: 50 points.
HIPSTER VAINLY TRYING TO GROW ANY KIND OF FACIAL HAIR: 100 points if you drive by and point and laugh.
FAT, MIDDLE-AGED AUSTINITE TRYING TO PASS HIMSELF OFF AS A HIPSTER: No points, but you should put him out of his misery.
THIS GUY: 200 points.
This is my new favorite game! I'm so ready for all of them to go back to wherever the hell they came from.
p.s. Do i get any points for the ones attempting to drive around town? And by drive, I mean stopping at green lights and turning left from the right lanes.
Posted by: ginger | March 19, 2009 at 10:35 AM
Oh man, thanks for reminding me why I'm *glad* to not be in Austin this past month. As much geeklust I had over SXSW Interactive, this ... Oh man.
Good job, Dave!
Posted by: Lori Todd | March 26, 2009 at 11:55 PM