Bottlecaps

2010 Scores of the week: Epitaph. Again.

For the third time, I am giving up scores of the week, a little weekly fall football tradition that I took up when I worked Saturdays in the early 2000s.

Back then, I honestly had large chunks of time where looking through the week's high school football scores and selecting some good ones, and making up some funny things to say about them … well, it was the best use of my time.

Or, let's be honest, the best use of my time that didn't involve much effort. I mean, I could have been getting on board with the social media thing, or learning Spanish, or inventing the iPhone or doing some situps or something.

But, as funny as it has been the first 7 years, it's hard to get a chuckle from myself these days when I see Houston Scarborough play Houston Furr. Or Dallas' Samuell-Adams matchup. God knows, I've mocked poor Lucas Lovejoy, Celeste, Lubbock Christ the King, Argyle, Levelland, Lamesa Klondike and all the six-man schools enough.

It is always fun to see a new school, especially when they go on a season-long winless streak: Hello, Comanche Paradigm!

But this is it. Really.

Armadillos win! San Saba 66, Junction 14
(Thank you, San Saba for coming through in the last SOTW.)

The Akins watch: Del Valle 35, Akins 6
(We didn't end up going to this game, but it's just as well. Being sick is bad enough without watching an 0-10 team. They'll be better when the boy gets there.) 

The Oscar winning score of the week: El Paso Hanks 56,
El Paso Eastwood 49

The women's lib score of the week: Alice 42, Kingsville King 21

The flat score of the week: Lamesa 34, Levelland 26

One more time for Lucas: Lucas Lovejoy 68, Nevada Community 0

The score of the week most likely to be mispronounced by a Yankee: Mexia 50, Groesbeck 28

The score of the week with no name: Pecos 42, Clint 21

The snoozer of the week: Hull-Daisetta 7, Pineland West Sabine 0

Claude gave 'em what he had, but couldn't give 'em hell. He spit in the dirt, limped off a ways and thought to himself, "Next time I'll come back with my 12-gauge. Then them bastards won't feel so lucky." Shamrock 42, Claude 28.

The Shiner watch: Shiner 14, Louise 12

The thriller of the week: Lohn 70, Brookesmith 69

Who is going to yell "Go, Milford!" Someone who's glad he doesn't have to shout "Go, Ladonia Fannindel!" Milford 48, Ladonnio Fannindel 0

The whomping of the week: Throckmorton 88, Gordon 0

Waxahachie's advantage was never quite clear: Walnut Springs 63, Waxahachie Advantage 18

The six-man score of the week and the score that I'm proud to end this adventure with: Paint Rock 112, Novice 109

2010: Scores of the Week: penultimate

Next-to-last week …

The thriller of the century: Jacksonville 84, Nacogdoches 81 12OT

(note: In a half-dozen years of doing Scores of the Week, I've never seen any more than 6 OT periods)

The bigger-is-better score of the week: Cypress Lakes 28, Cypress Springs 25

The Bob Ross score of the week: Cypress Woods 42, Cypress Ridge 40

The Elysian Fields aren't what they're cracked up to be: Linden-Kildare 50, Elysian Fields 6

Eden doesn't hold up too well: Veribest 54, Eden 25

But Paradise is … well, Paradise: Paradise 27, Ponder 0

So it is written, so shall it be done: Denton Calvary 50, Lubbock Christ The King 26

The Kashmere-Furr score of the week: Houston Furr 13, Houston Kashmere 10

The Akins watch: Austin Westlake 52, Austin Akins 21

(They are 0-9. If weather permits, the older boy, Bullworker and I will go to their last game this Friday.)

The seven cities of gold score of the week: El Paso Coronado 24, El Paso El Dorado 21

Give me liberty or give me death, just don't give me Cleveland: Liberty 31, Cleveland 6

It's all in the name: Lubbock Estacado 63, Levelland 0

Score of the week? Or yuppie children? Quinlan Ford 41, Emory Rains 21

And in international scores of the week: Bogata Rivercrest 36, Paris Chisum 32

It began over a disagreement over who had the best cornbread. Soon, Eustace wished she had kept her counsel: Maypearl 48, Eustace 3

Ah, Texas: Muleshoe 72, Amarillo River Road 16

Joaquin was prepared for New London. He was ready for West Rusk. But the combined onslaught took him unawares: New London West Rusk 68, Joaquin 0

The whomping of the week: Refugio 76, Kingsville Academy 0

Armadillos win! Armadillos win! San Saba 10, Ozona 7

I blame global warming: Chilton 49, Frost 13

A personal salute to the tenacity of High Island: High Island 14, Sabine Pass 6

One cookie led to another, and the next thing you know … Milano 54, Snook 0

It wasn't quite Vegas, but he weren't near a bookie, neither: Vega 44, Booker 0

The six-man score of the week? Briscoe Fort Elliott 73, Lefors 68

They're just mad they live in Garden City: Garden City 102, Rankin 53

The same old Paradigm: Gustine 54, Comanche Paradigm 6

The six-man score of the week: Loop 90, New Home 70

Attention, the rising of the star has been delayed indefinitely: Sidney 52, Rising Star 18

2010 Scores of the week: Yeah, yeah

 Two more weeks of the regular season. Two more scores of the week after this one … 

What would be more weird: Yelling "go Living Stones!" or "Yay, Chester!" Alvin Living Stones 69, Chester 58

The Akins watch: Austin Anderson 48, Austin Akins 12

They had the high ground! Amarillo Caprock 37, Canyon 18

The same old Paradigm: Rising Star 46, Comanche Paradigm 0

Take that, Mother Nature! Dallas Skyline 56, Dallas Sunset 0

The snoozer of the week: SA Burbank 9, SA Memorial 6

The thriller of the week: Uvalde 49, Castroville Medina Valley 42, 2OT

Ah, the beauty of sports: Brownfield 15, Levelland 12

The score of the week most likely to be mispronounced by a Yankee: Cuero 48, Poteet 7

The whomping of the week: Gilmer 76, Longview Spring Hill 0

Score one for the upper-crust: Princeton 42, Farmersville 29

Dangerous-sounding score of the week: Daingerfield 47, Redwater 0

At least it wasn't a shutout: East Bernard 75, Bloomington 2

Next week we'll have Wonder vs. Whye: Howe 43, Ponder 10

 Armadillos win! San Saba 48, Coleman 6

I blame global warming: Goldthwaite 31, Winters 0

It sounded like such a nice place, but soon Celeste soon learned better: Honey Grove 62, Celeste 0

Forfeit? Or stupefyingly boring game? Olney 2, Seymour 0

The Shiner watch: Shiner 34, Flatonia 6

The Six-man score of the week: Blanket 76, Zephyr 70

Maybe Lohn and Star should play each other: Calvert 46, Star 0 and Cherokee 66, Lohn 0

The feel-good score of the week: Groom 60, Happy 38

The hip kids call this the Ja-Rule game: Jayton 34, Rule 30

2010: Scores of the Week: something

OK, we had one call to keep scores of the week, and I got to thinking, man, I might as well finish out the year. So after skipping two weeks, here's this week's report.

The thriller of the week: Port Neches-Groves 49, Beaumont Ozen 42, 2OT

The whomping of the week? Prosper 62, Frisco Lone Star 0,

The whomping of the week? Muenster 63, Chico 0

The whomping of the week? Granger 70, Snook 0

The whomping of the week: Daingerfield 78, Queen City 0

The Akins watch: Austin Bowie 41, Austin Akins 14

Somehow, this score seems unlikely: Frisco 40, Frisco Heritage 6, OT

The snoozer of the week: FW Wyatt 6, FW Carter-Riverside 0

The garbage truck score of the week: Bangs 42, Early 0

It's all about quantity: Big Spring 36, Sweetwater 13

I think these two were Dukes of Hazzard guest stars: Clyde 13, Tuscola Jim Ned 7

It just sounds so pleasant: Grandview 42, Sunnyvale 7

Lucas had saved up 5 years' of birthday gifts from grandma and what he could spare from his job at the Gas'n'Go. He was headed east with the sunset, top down on the Miata that those oafish Groesbeck boys had laughed at. He grew serious for just a moment, long enough to promise himself he'd never see another rolling sprinkler as long as he lived: Lucas Lovejoy 49, Farmersville 0

Ah, Texas: Idalou 48, Post 6

The San Saba Armadillos watch: Sonora 34, San Saba 24

Score of the week most likely to be mispronounced by a Yankee: Bruni 51, Agua Dulce 6

Score of the week most likely to be two fictional teams in a Disney sports movie: Honey Grove 58, Wolfe City 12

The Shiner report: Shiner 42, Yorktown 33

Somewhere a headline writer is weeping: Houston Northland Christian 43, Houston Westbury Christian 20

The six-man score of the week: Paducah 90, Amarillo San Jacinto 42

Propelled by the inertia of their name, MWCC couldn't be stopped: Mineral Wells Community Christian 78, Heath Fulton 30

Jesus loves a shootout: Midland Trinity 112, EP Immanuel 74

2010 Scores of the week: 5

An abbreviated scores of the week …

The segway score of the week: Cypress Ridge 48, Cypress Falls 20

The snoozer of the week: Houston Austin 3, Houston Sterling 0

Somebody has a case of the Mundays: Munday 31, Roscoe 0

Lights out: Richardson 58, Dallas Sunset 0

The thriller of the week: Round Rock 41, Round Rock McNeil 35, 4OT

The whomping of the week: Houston Yates 84, Houston Davis 0

The Shiner watch: Geronimo Navarro 49, Shiner 3

Ah, Texas: Lamesa 27, Pecos 0

The it-was-bound-to-happen score of the week: Paradise 34, Nocona 14

Detroit got in a few licks, but eventually she was Maud as hell and just wouldn't take it anymore: Maud 55, Detroit 20

Always bet on the civilized tribe: Cherokee 58, Comanche Paradigm 8

The six-man score of the week: Gustine 74, Zephyr 60

The Akins watch: Pflugerville 49, Austin Akins 21

Is anybody going to Scarborough-Furr? Houston Furr 48, Houston Scarborough 0

2010: Scores of the Week: 4

 Here we are again.

The alpha and the omega and the nada score of the week: Iola 43,
Alpha Omega 0

The Samuell-Adams score of the week: Dallas Samuell 14, Dallas Adams 12

The thriller of the week: FW Western Hills 49, FW Southwest 42, 2OT

The Akins watch: Pflugerville Connally 62, Austin Akins 28

This didn't go over well on the Champs Elysees: Sulphur Springs 62,
Paris 21

The Eiger Sanction score of the week: Clint 43, Alpine 41

This just sounds ugly: Dimmitt 25, Bovina 18

Ah, Texas: Floydada 34, Post 13

Cleanliness is next to Godliness. Clyde is a damn sight farther away: Godley 57, Clyde 0

They are now the Itasca Wampus-flats: Tolar 47, Itasca 0

Snoozer of the week and Shiner report: Weimar 6, Shiner 0

Her blown auditions, failed rehabs and millions lost were of no consolation to Leonard, whose one score cost him a wrecked car, a trashed house, and a curious itch: Lindsay 33, Leonard 7

The vaguely poetic score of the week: Miles 60, Cross Plains 0

If it were Irving The Highlander, the damage would be much worse: Irving The Highlands 19, Carrollton Prince of Peace 0

Later he did doughnuts in the Popemobile: Plano John Paul 65, Carrollton Christian 0

A forfeit? Or lamest game of all time? Seguin Lifegate 2, SA New Life 0

The score of the week most likely to be mispronounced by a Yankee: Balmorhea 60, Imperial Buena Vista 14

There may have been some firewater involved: Blanket 48, Comanche Paradigm 0

The six-man score of the week: Garden City 104, O’Donnell 56

Awwww: Happy 52, Hart 6

I blame spring break: Miami 58, Lubbock Christ The King 8

The it-was-bound-to-happen score of the week: Rising Star 52, Brookesmith 0

Converts vs. Convicts: Fort Worth Christian 34, Gainesville State School 12

It was a classic ass-whipping, I hear: Waco Live Oak Classical School 80, Central Texas Christian 7

The whomping of the week: Azle Christian School 92, Fort Worth Harvest Christian 0

 

2010: Scores of the Week: 3

The boys are still healthy and happy.

And, because I promised to keep up with it during my "paternity" leave … here is Week 3's scores:

The somehow-this-seems-preordained score of the week: Amarillo Holy Cross 30, Lubbock Christ The King 6

Sigh, it seems Cypress Hill always has a bye: Cypress Falls 28, Cypress Woods 20 and Cypress Creek 44, Cypress Springs 27

It was no place for a chipmunk: Pasadena South Houston 17, Alvin 0

The Akins report: Bastrop 63, Austin Akins 7

The giving-headline-writers-the-jitters score of the week: Little Cypress-Mauriceville 48, Conroe Caney Creek 24

The powderpuff score of the week: Anna 9, Melissa 7

The score of the week most likely to be mispronounced by a Yankee: Progreso 14, Falfurrias 13

The Jeff Foxworthy score of the week: Snyder 57, Clyde 14

It was a pleasant game: Texarkana Pleasant Grove 20, Mount Pleasant 15

The Shiner report: Schulenburg 20, Shiner 9

The not-so-lucky score of the week: Spearman 45, Shamrock 0

The San Saba Armadillos watch: Wall 33, San Saba 24

Disappointed though they were to find out that they weren’t going to Vegas, the boys pulled it together and managed a win: Boys Ranch 14, Vega 8

The snoozer of the week: Evadale 7, Trinity 0

Looking for a few good men, eh? Falls City 48, SA Texas Military 0

The too-close-for-Comfort score of the week: Mason 34, Comfort 33

Not many FDR fans in Nazareth, we hear: New Deal 67, Nazareth 0

Chester would soon give up his scholarship at the university and return home to the farm to live out his years with hard days in ever-less-fertile fields and an even harder hatred of city folk in general and fraternity boys in particular: Price Carlisle 54, Chester 0

Was there a garden involved? A serpent? Apple Springs 80, Humble Christian 34

The Paradigm Shift offense claims its first victim: Comanche Paradigm 57, Star 8

The thriller of the week: Whiteface 42, Whitharral 36, 3OT

The Six-Man score of the week: Ira 90, Ropesville Ropes 88

The Bob Ross Score of the week: Meadow 74, Happy 24

The whomping of the week: Petersburg 74, Lubbock Harmony 0

Cowboys

Well, let's just mark a "W" on the schedule and not think of this one again.

Oh wait … I'm sorry. That's what I was going to write after the Cowboys scored the game-winning touchdown last night.

Then comes another penalty. Game over. Your "best team on paper" manages to score 7 points. And even that would have been good enough for an ugly win if they hadn't given away 7 points.

I've seen more depressing losses. More dispiriting losses. More ugly losses. More deflating losses. But never a loss that managed to be all of that and more.

I've been telling Bullworker that this isn't college football. You don't have to win them all. Yes, they looked terrible in the preseason but there is time for them to get their act together. If you win enough to make the playoffs, then all you have to do is get hot at the right time (see Cardinals in Super Bowl a few years back).

But after this loss? Shit. I didn't even want to watch SportsCenter this morning. I'm not even excited about watching Monday Night Football tonight.

This was a world-class turd. I've got a few honors to go around …

Thanks, David Buehler for missing the early short-range field goal. You were the only good part of the preseason, so I'm glad you could join the rest of the team and provide the initial fuck-up that would make the rest of the game possible.

Thanks, Wade Phillips for not just having Romo take a knee and end that sorry first half. Thanks Romo for not heaving the ball down the field or just throwing it out of bounds when there was nothing to be gained.

Thanks, player personnel for getting rid of Flozell Adams, one of the most penalized players in the game, and bringing in Alex Barron, the most penalized player in the NFL. That's the Cowboys … nothing but the best.

Thanks, coaches for forcing the ball early and often to Dez Bryant, who is a rookie who hasn't been able to practice because of injury. I'm glad justifying your draft decision is more important than, say, winning games.

Thanks, Dallas Cowboys for managing to utterly deflate my excitement for the new NFL season on the first weekend. Nothing like like waiting 7 months for a happy reunion only to see the plane go up in flames as it taxis to the gate.

NFL standings: Preseason

OK. I wanted to sort of track the development of the NFL season. Since it kicks off tonight, I better hurry.

Using ESPN.com's Power Poll as my launching point, here are the top 8 teams in each division …

And here are the bottom eight teams in each division …

Once we've played about 4 games, I'll begin ranking the teams according to wins and losses instead of the outrageous conjecture that has overwhelmed the college football scene.

Of course, you know the rules: The top 6 teams in each division make the playoffs at the end of the year. I'm guessing the top half of each division will compete for those 6 spots and the bottom half will be out of contention pretty quickly, give or take a team.

And I would like to compare the preseason power poll numbers with the end-of-the-regular-season results.

But I'd also like to test a few hunches …

I bet that one team from the bottom half of the preseason rankings in each conference will rise out of nowhere to compete for a playoff spot.

I bet that one team from the top half of the preseason rankings in each conference will inexplicably plunge into mediocrity (or worse). (And, because I'm doing this, I'm betting it will be the Cowboys.)

I bet that by the time the season is halfway over, we will have a pretty clear picture of who will make the playoffs, with only seeding to be determined over the last half of the season.

I bet that by the time I post the next NFL standings, I'll have corrected the spelling of "Jaguars." I can't say I'm gonna post the standings every week, but I bet I'll get pretty excited about it after a few weeks.

Oh yeah, my picks to make the playoffs?

NFC: Cowboys, Saints, Packers, 49ers, Giants and … the Lions (my out-of-nowhere team).

AFC: Colts, Ravens, Jets, Bengals, Chargers (no surprises there) and … Texans.

2010: Scores of the Week: 2

The thriller of the week: Austin High 66, Belton 63

The snoozer of the week: La Joya 6, Rio Grande City 0

The high society score of the week: Houston Sterling 18, Houston Furr 6

The God Save the Queen score of the week: Victoria East 55,
Kingsville King 13

Anna did not win points in heaven for this one: Anna 41,
Plano John Paul 12

But Lorenzo fared worse: Lorenzo 37, Lubbock Christ The King 13

The Whipping Post score of the week: Lamesa 33, Post 7

The fine wines and cheeses score of the week: Lucas Lovejoy 55, Paris 13

The Texas gubernatorial score of the week: Perryton 35, Bushland 21

The groovy-sounding score of the week: Poteet 9, Dilley 6

The Turn Around Don’t Drown score of the week: Shallowater 33, Amarillo River Road 6

Don’t think! Play football! Wichita Falls Hirschi 21, Ponder 0

Many years later, when Maud would shuffle through the grocery store, unkempt and still in her nightgown, few would recall the dark day in September when it all came unhinged: Bogata Rivercrest 46, Maud 0

In other news, USA Network is coming out with a show called “Cisco and Clyde.” Clyde 28, Cisco 24

The score of the week mostly likely to be mispronounced by a Yankee: Hebbronville 46, Falfurrias 6

The whomping of the week: Lago Vista 77, Austin Eastside Memorial 0

What happens in Vega … ain’t too good: Clarendon 49, Vega 6

The end of an Era: Collinsville 60, Era 0

The San Saba Armadillos report: Goldthwaite 20, San Saba 14

Or not: McCamey 58, San Angelo Texas Leadership 0

The Shiner watch: Shiner 52, Wallis Brazos 0

Not so lucky: Stinnett West Texas 47, Shamrock 0

Blanket had ‘em covered: Blanket 52, Eden 6

Their patented offensive scheme — the Paradigm Shift — didn’t really work: Gordon 56, Comanche Paradigm 8

The Six-Man score of the week: Paint Rock 92, Robert Lee 80